Variation by Rebecca Yarros
- Alisha Eadle
- 13 hours ago
- 20 min read
Variation
by Rebecca Yarros
Published by Montlake
Elite ballerina Allie Rousseau is no stranger to pressure.
With her mother’s eyes always watching, perfection was expected, no matter the cost. But when an injury jeopardizes all she’s sacrificed for, Allie returns to her summer home to heal and recover. But the memories she’s tried to forget rush in and threaten to take her under.
As a Coast Guard rescue swimmer, Hudson Ellis knows that hesitation can mean the difference between life and death. He’s always prided himself on being in the right place at the right time, especially when it came to Allie Rousseau…until the night he left for basic. After the biggest regret of his life, the secrets he keeps mean he can never be with the one woman he wants more than his next breath.
When Hudson’s niece shows up on Allie’s doorstep, desperate to find her birth mother, Allie finds herself in an unimaginable position. Allie and Hudson’s past and present might be endlessly complicated. The thread that tied them to each other all those years ago may have unraveled, but the truth could pull them back together, or drive them apart forever.
Genre
Triggers
Emotional neglect from a parent, Injury from sport,
I will always be thankful for Fourth Wing for introducing me to Rebecca Yarros.
While I have a special place in my heart for Fourth Wing, I also adore her contemporary romances as well.
Variation was perfection.
We get two people, who still secretly pine for one another a decade after their relationship ended. The tension between these two, the heartbreak, bleeds through the pages.
If the present storyline isn't enough for you, there is the added murkiness to the circumstances of how their relationship ends that keeps you hooked to the very end.
The romance was great, but also all the side characters, and the storyline that centered around them were also interesting. Some of the arcs had a touch of mystery to it, and when all woven together, made Variation unpredictable.
Something that is hard to do in a contemporary romance.
I can't say enough wonderful things about Variation. It was heart wrenching - in true Rebecca style - and sweet. The many characters, and the mix of past and present made the overall story more captivating. I loved everything about this book, and I look forward to reading more of Rebecca's contemporary work in the future.
The second her gaze lifted to lock with mine, I forgot how to fucking breathe, let alone think. I’d never been hit by lightning, but I bet this was what it felt like.
Allie: “Crap. I’m still wearing your hoodie.”
Hudson: “Two choices.”
I grinned up at her.
Hudson: “Keep it or bring it for the next time I take you boating.”
Gavin: “Fucking bold,”
Gavin muttered under his breath.
By the end of that summer, she was my best friend. By the end of the next, she hated me. And I didn’t blame her.
Hudson: “You have Seconds?”
My voice lowered and my eyes narrowed.
Hudson: “I thought there was an age restriction for that!”
Juniper: “Oh, please.”
She rolled her eyes.
Juniper: “I had to scroll a whopping three more years to create a log-in.”
I blinked. This moment right here was why I was nowhere near equipped to be a parent. Fuck, as soon as Caroline found out about any of this, I was going to have my uncle privileges revoked.
He did not just say that. Pretty sure my therapist heard that all the way from New York City.
Juniper: "Point is, I’m not mad at you for placing me for adoption—though I do have some questions that are statistically proven to help minimize the time I’ll need to spend in therapy.”
Allie: “What? I can simultaneously ignore that you destroyed me as a teenager while having manners. It’s called adulthood.”
Anne: “Hudson, do me a favor and at least say goodbye to her this time before you go, would you? It would be a shame for me to go to jail for acting on a decade’s worth of intrusive thoughts when it comes to your demise.”
Gavin: “You see, Bachman—”
Eric: “Beachman,”
Eric corrected.
Gavin: “Whatever.”
Gavin pushed the shots at the suits, then picked up the tablet to record the drinks on their tab.
Gavin: “You brought him in a nice year-rounder—”
Hudson: “He means local,”
Gavin: “—but little brother here has been hung up on Allie since he was seventeen, and there’s nothing you, or I, or Teacher back there in the booth can do about it.”
He set the tablet down on the back bar and faced us, flipping his Grizzly Bear ball cap backward.
Gavin: “Hence the reason he’s sitting at my bar instead of ordering a refill back there.”
He gestured toward the booths.
Gavin: “Hudson might be the baddest motherfucker alive to the US Coast Guard, but you put Allie Rousseau in a room with him and he’ll trip over his own feet.”
Gavin: “That woman you so kindly brought to meet my brother doesn’t stand a chance. Never did. The nicest thing you can do for her is put her out of her misery before he does something truly stupid, like date her.”
Hudson: “Not true.”
I stood and reached for the beer.
Gavin: “It is.”
Gavin glanced my way and pushed the cocktail toward Eric, giving him his full attention and ignoring me.
Gavin: “You see, Barman, I’ve been there, hung up on a Rousseau girl, and it’s an infatuation like no other.”
He glanced away, then cleared his throat. My grip tightened on the lager despite the condensation quickly gathering on the glass. I wasn’t the only Ellis who didn’t talk about those summers.
Gavin: “But the Rousseau sisters always had the look-but-don’t-touch vibe, and a touch-them-and-I’ll-ruin-you mother, and while I let that torch burn bright and hot before letting it go, Hudson here still carries his, and now that she’s been back in town a couple of weeks?”
He flared his hands and made a sound like a bomb.
Gavin: “Hudson is the Death Star, and that woman is Luke, about to blow his ass up.”
Eric: “Wait, did you say you had a thing for Allie too?”
Eric stepped off his stool.
Gavin: “God no. Her older sister. Never Allie.”
Gavin glanced at me, years of history flickering over his gaze in that millisecond before the corner of his mouth rose in a smirk.
Gavin: “Allie was way too young for me. Too tightly wound. Pretty little thing—”
My spine stiffened.
Gavin: “—but too prim, way too proper, too quiet, way too mousy—”
Hudson: “Too fucking mine,”
I snapped, flinging a twenty onto the bar top.
Hudson: “And she was none of those things. You never really knew her.”
Heat flushed up the back of my neck.
Gavin: “There he is!”
Gavin raised his arms in victory.
Gavin: “I’ve been wondering when you’d wake the fuck up.”
Shit, I’d given him exactly what he was after, a reaction. Eric’s attention flickered between us like we were opponents in a tennis match.
Gavin: “Now go have the balls to tell that nice brunette that she’s auditioning for a role that was filled over a decade ago.”
Hudson: “If you want to see me in uniform, all you have to do is ask.”
A playful smile tugged at his lips.
Juniper: “I sent her an email from Mom’s account last night saying you were taking me to an appointment this morning.”
She reached the porch and glared at Hudson.
Juniper: “She has her hands full with the Gibbons twins, so we both know she isn’t mourning one less kid in the class.”
Hudson: “You have your mom’s password?”
Hudson lifted his brows at his niece. Our niece. I stared at her wind-snarled brown hair, the lines of her cheeks and chin, noting the similarities to my sister.
Juniper: “Juniper0514 isn’t exactly hard to crack,”
she drawled.
Hudson: “You can’t excuse yourself from school and run amok!”
Hudson’s tone sharpened.
Hudson: “It’s not safe!”
Juniper: “Right.”
Juniper folded her arms across her chest.
Juniper: “Because I was in sooooo much danger riding my scooter all six blocks from where Mom dropped me off at school. Mr. Lobos says hi, by the way. He was gardening in his front yard when I rode past. Super scary.”
Allie: “Then you do it.”
Allie stroked her hands down Sadie’s neck.
Hudson: “No.”
The word slipped out before I could stop it.
Anne: “Won’t work,”
Anne agreed.
Anne: “He doesn’t look at me the way he looks at you. It’s the only reason I think this rather . . . childish plan might work. He could carry the whole ruse just glancing your direction.”
Allie: “Good, then I’ll be there Saturday. Now, Sadie and I are going to take a nap. No need to find her a home. I’m hers now.”
Anne: “I think she just stole your dog.”
Anne rose to her feet and dusted off her knees.
Hudson: “She was never mine. I just rescued her.”
Hudson: “You know, Allie’s walls were about six feet high as a teenager, just short enough for me to peek over. I was never foolish enough to think she let me all the way in, not with the way you Rousseau girls keep secrets for each other.”
Allie had only let me into the places she felt safe enough to share. I turned at the base of the steps to face Anne.
Hudson: “But now, those walls are thick as hell and easily twenty feet tall, if not more, which is fine—I know how to climb—but we both know those bricks aren’t all because of me.”
I gestured between us as I rounded the hood.
Hudson: “Same team. Stop trying to draw my blood. Leaving Allie the first time bled me dry already.”
Gavin: “Speak of the devil. Welcome to our private little hell.”
Allie: “You can’t actually date anyone while we’re doing this or it would ruin the whole thing.”
Crap, was he dating someone? That girl at the bar? My instincts said no, that he never would have agreed to this if he was.
Hudson: “Not a problem. I’m not seeing anyone, and even if I had been, it’s hard to focus on anyone else once you walk into a room,”
he said, like it was a simple fact. What the hell? My eyebrows rose.
Allie: “No saying things like that.”
I stepped backward, bumping into the garage.
Hudson: “You’d rather I lie?”
Hudson: “You sure you’re up for playing this particular role? I know it’s tough, but our main goal today should be convincing them we’re together.”
His eyes lit up like he was purposely poking me for a reaction. Game on. I scoffed.
Allie: “Please. Once you master faking an orgasm, any role is easy. This is cake.”
His eyes bulged for a heartbeat before he schooled his expression.
Hudson: “Okay. Then let’s do this.”
Hudson: “I win.”
He grinned up at me.
Allie: “I’m on top.”
I fumbled with my hands to get some form of leverage on him.
Hudson: “I’d still call that a win for me.”
I winced.
Allie: “Oh, I can’t—”
Caroline: “Ballerinas don’t eat strawberry shortcake, honey. Or ice cream, or cupcakes, or anything that might put an extra ounce on their perfect little bodies.”
I sent up a silent prayer of forgiveness to Lina, because I was so fucking done.
Hudson: “She doesn’t eat strawberry shortcake because she’s allergic to strawberries. Hence why I got her a brownie. She loves chocolate. And before you start in on any more of your bullshit, let’s just get this over with. Her birthday is March seventh. Her favorite movie is Titanic, which I’ve never really understood, but fine, I’ll sit through it again. She prefers Bloch over Capezio for pointe shoes. She’d rather watch sunsets than sunrises, can annoyingly taste the difference between different types of bottled water, and puts sugar in her coffee and milk in her tea. Oh, and she’s only indecisive because too many people tell her what they think she should want, and she likes to make everyone happy at her own expense. Is that enough for you, Caroline?”
Her hands skimmed my chest as her feet hit the sand, the ocean coming up to her waist. True to her words, she didn’t even flinch, even when a wave came and soaked her tank top up to her ribs.
Allie: “And you should probably give yourself a minute out here before you come back.”
A smirk tilted her mouth as she backed away toward shore, her eyes lighting up as she stripped off her shirt. Holy fucking pink bikini. The swells of her breasts made my mouth water, and the slope of her waist had my hands curling. She was right. I needed a few minutes, because I was hard as hell.
Allie: “Feel that?”
she asked, tilting her head as she continued her retreat.
Hudson: “What?”
I responded, embarrassingly dumbstruck by the sight of her in a freaking swimsuit.
Allie: “Game, Hudson.”
She held her hands out, still grasping her tank top.
Hudson: “Effortless game.”
She turned and walked toward shore, and I quit fighting my grin and walked deeper into the water to cool off.
None of this was real to her, she was just fucking with my head, and I’d enjoyed every minute of it. I even considered sending her an engraved invitation to fuck with it some more.
Hudson: “Watch where you’re throwing this thing!”
I stepped away from Allie, flicked my wrist, and sent it sailing back to Eric.
Allie: “Thank you.”
She cleared her throat.
Allie: “Talk about reflexes.”
I bent my head, bringing my mouth inches from her ear.
Hudson: “One might call it game.”
Caroline: “She only dates dancers. Only people in her profession, in her elite little level, and in her tax bracket. And you aren’t any of those.”
She found that out on the internet? How much of this was I supposed to just sit here and listen to? Anger simmered in my chest.
Hudson: “I already know that.”
He shrugged, hands still in his pockets.
Hudson: “So what? Until now, I’ve only dated women I knew wouldn’t ask for a ring. Things change, and I don’t give a shit who she’s dated before, because she’s with me now.”
Hudson: “That was not how our first kiss should have happened.”
Allie: “Never thought you were the romantic type.”
The joke fell flat.
Hudson: “I’ve waited eleven years to kiss you.”
Inch by inch, he lowered his head, pinning me in place with those sea green eyes.
Hudson: “Eleven years of thinking what it would be like to cross that line, imagining all the ways—”
He shook his head.
Hudson: “Did you even want it? Or was it just to prove her wrong?”
Allie: “You thought about kissing me for eleven years?”
My chest tightened.
Hudson: “Yes. Did. You. Want. It?”
Kenna: “Just looking to see if there’s a middle-aged white man wandering the beach, looking for redemption and a bottle of old love letters.”
I snorted.
Kenna: “Don’t you scoff at me, Alessandra. I drove through the town. You and I both know the second Thanksgiving hits around here, there’s a surplus of Christmas tree farmers just waiting to snatch some Manhattan girl’s soul and teach her the true meaning of the holidays.”
She shivered in repulsion.
Hudson: "She’s broken the rules, lied, schemed, and manipulated every single person around her to get what she wants.”
His jaw ticked.
Allie: “Yeah, and she’s only ten.”
I started toward the studio door.
Allie: “Not excusing her actions, but you know there’s a label for that kind of behavior in adults.”
Hudson: “Criminal? Don’t even think reckless. This isn’t me.”
Allie: “Maybe.”
I opened the studio doors.
Allie: “I was thinking CEO.”
Hudson: “Seriously, though. That’s what does it for you? Bated breath and glimmers? Let me guess—he doesn’t tell you he’s about to come, he declares that he’s arriving.”
Allie snorted but stopped tantalizingly short of a laugh, then batted her eyelashes at me.
Allie: “And I suppose you’re more of the first variety? Have to warn a girl that she’d better rev her own engine because your race ends before the first turn? Or are you the silent, grunty kind?”
Oh, she had jokes, did she? I yanked our laced hands against my chest, whipped my arm around her waist, and turned, pressing her against the wall on the far side of the staircase, just short of a plaque marking a piece of artwork.
Hudson: “Want to skip the rest of the gala and find out? I promised you hours, if I remember correctly.”
Her breath stuttered and her gaze dropped to my mouth.
Allie: “We can’t.”
Not “I don’t want to.” Interesting.
Hudson: “No need to rev your own engine unless you want to.”
I lowered my head to hers.
Hudson: “You’ll come at least twice before I fuck you, Allie. I’m far from silent, and I know how to use my mouth to ensure you aren’t either.”
Hudson: “So while sure, it makes me jealous that there are a couple of guys here who have seen you naked, I actually feel sorry for them because they’ll never have you again.”
I tugged her close and let the words fly like the revelation they were.
Hudson: “But I will. First means nothing. Last means everything.”
Hudson: “I thought we agreed not to lie.”
I trailed my fingertips down her bare spine and her breath hitched as she shivered. My dick stirred in response, just like it always did when she showed the first sign of interest.
Hudson: “And as you reminded our niece, omission would be just that. I told you I want you. I’m done hiding from it. Public. Private. Don’t care. This is real for me. It’s about to get messy.”
Hudson: “What are you thinking over there, Allie?”
He braced his hands on the edge of the counter.
Allie: “What if I want five minutes?”
I walked around the side of the island.
Hudson: “What are we pretending this time?”
His knuckles turned white as I approached.
Allie: “That you want me.”
I put myself directly in front of him. His gaze heated.
Hudson: “That’s a very real fact of life. I live in a constant state of wanting you. I have since I was seventeen years old. Wanting you is all I know.”
Hudson: “I want you,”
he growled.
Hudson: “I think we’ve established that.”
I slipped one spaghetti strap off my shoulder. He shook his head.
Hudson: “I want all of you. No masks. No walls. No more pretending what’s between us is fake when we both know it’s excruciating, and terrifying, and amazingly real. I want more than five minutes.”
Eva: “You guys here?”
Eva called out, her heels clicking on the floor as Hudson pulled my zipper up. She rounded the corner into the kitchen.
Eva: “There you—”
Her eyes flew wide and she spun, turning her back to us.
Eva: “Oh my God. Are you two seriously . . .”
She whipped back around.
Eva: “We eat in here.”
She gestured to the barstools at the end of the island, then did a double take, staring at Hudson’s torso, and I shifted my body to block any potential view of his cock. Clothed or naked, it was mine, not for Eva’s to see.
Eva: “Wow. I mean. Wow.”
She gave me a thumbs-up.
Eva: “Good for you, Allie.”
I wanted the floor to swallow me whole. Right now. Her gaze dropped to the floor, but it wasn’t Hudson’s shirt that had her attention. I followed her line of sight and promptly wished for death. She pointedly lifted her brows at my hot-pink thong.
Eva: “And good for you, Hudson.”
Allie: “Eva!”
My voice cracked.
A cocky smirk played across his face as he backed away.
Hudson: “What was it you said I should do? Fuck you so well that you’d never want to leave my bed, and dish out orgasms? Two down, and infinity to go. Sounds to me like it’s going according to plan.”
He turned away and walked down the hall to the guest bedroom.
Juniper: “Your Seconds this morning was kind of mean.”
Eva’s head snapped toward our niece.
Eva: “I was showing proper technique in piqué turns, and aren’t you a little young for social media?”
Juniper: “Looked to me like you were showing that you could have danced Giselle better, since you used performance footage to compare. Didn’t even monitor the comments trashing Allie.”
She shrugged.
Juniper: “But what would I know. I’m ten.”
Hudson: “You ready to spend three whole days with the Ellis crew?”
Allie: “I’ll be Caroline’s favorite by the time we leave,”
I promised, mostly to hype myself up.
Hudson: “You’re already mine.”
Mrs. Ellis: “Allie, we’re so pleased you could join us. If at any time Caroline acts like a sour fish, treat her like one and toss her ass in the lake.”
Allie: “Look at us, making it through the night without falling prey to the one-bed trope.”
Allie: “You all right?”
She pushed the sleeves up her arms.
Hudson: “Yep.”
I followed her out the door and into the crisp morning air.
Hudson: “Just remembering the way you taste.”
Honesty was the best policy . . . when possible. She startled.
Allie: “Well, good morning.”
Hudson: “Would have been a way better morning if I’d woken you up with an orgasm.”
We started down the worn path toward the other cabins.
Hudson: “I do enjoy breakfast in bed.”
Hudson: “And suddenly, I’m chopped liver.”
I brought my hand to my heart.
Allie: “Awh.”
Allie clasped my hand, leaned into me and smiled, crinkling her freckle-spattered nose.
Allie: “Is Hudson not the favorite for the first time in his life?”
Her eyes lit with mischief, and if I hadn’t fallen for her eleven years ago, that look would have done it. Hook. Line. Sinker.
Allie: “Fine. You can be Juniper’s favorite.”
I locked my arm around her waist and bent my head to hers.
Hudson: “As long as I’m yours.”
Allie: “How about you and I do the dishes?”
Allie asked me once we were done. Caroline’s jaw dropped.
Hudson: “Excellent idea. I’m down for anything that gets you wet,”
I teased.
Allie: “Excuse us,”
Allie said to my siblings as she got up from the table.
Allie: “I have to go wash his mouth out.”
I happily followed.
Gavin: “Don’t tire him out,”
Gavin called after us.
Gavin: “We’re rope swinging this afternoon!”
Hudson: “How many principals?”
I asked as she climbed to her feet on the blanket.
Hudson: “There’s three hundred and fifty of me, but out of the four thousand professional dancers, how many of them are principals, like you?”
Allie: “Oh, honey.”
She backed away with a smirk.
Allie: “Don’t make me hurt your feelings.”
I scoffed, and she headed down the slope.
Caroline: “So don’t tell me she didn’t break your heart. I saw the truth with my own eyes.”
Hudson: “You saw your truth.”
I pivoted to look down at my big sister.
Hudson: “But mine? I left her. I broke her. She was in the hospital, for fuck’s sake, looking at months of rehabilitation. Her sister died, and I didn’t show up for her. She woke up and I was gone. I was the prick and broke my own heart. Not Allie.”
Caroline: “You wouldn’t do that.”
Caroline’s jaw dropped, and she looked at me like I’d suddenly become a stranger.
Caroline: “You save people, Hudson. You don’t leave them.”
Hudson: “But I did.”
If she knew that I was constantly lying to her, she wouldn’t be so certain about my character. I was currently the hero in Juniper’s story, but I’d be the villain in Caroline’s once she learned that particular truth. I crouched to look her in the eye.
Hudson: “Truth always differs depending on who’s telling the story, and in complicated situations, there are countless variations. But when it comes to that summer, in every single variant, I’m the asshole who wasn’t strong enough to hold on to her.”
Hudson: “The water’s just how you like it, love. Wet. Deep. Safe. Come play.”
Allie: “You did not just make a sex joke.”
Damn my memory, I could still feel the hard buds of her nipples in my mouth, hear her little gasps of pleasure. Not right now. For fuck’s sake, we were surrounded by my family, and I was twenty-eight years old, not some hormonal teenager. This was most definitely not the time. She shimmied out of her shorts.
Never mind.
I was a kid in a candy store and Allie was pure sugar. Every inch of her was delectably perfect. Somehow, I managed to shut my mouth without drooling, and walk her down to the rope.
Hudson: "Messy is good, love. Messy is where the best parts of life happen. You don’t have to be in control at all times. It’s okay if you fall apart. I promise I will be right here to put you back together if you just let me.”
Hudson: “I wasn’t kidding when I said I would take you however I can get you. My bed. Your bed. This bed. That wall. The back seat of my truck. I don’t care, if it means I get to hear your breath hitch right before you come.”
Allie: “You’re going to ruin me for anyone else, aren’t you?”
I fell forward, bracing my palms on the bed above his head as his mouth caressed my breasts, the curve of my ribs, sending little shocks of bliss throughout my body.
Hudson: “There’s no one else.”
His lips ghosted across my stomach and his hands slipped under my shins.
Hudson: “Never was. Not for either of us.”
He kissed the crease of my hip, then dragged my knee over his shoulder.
Hudson: “They were all just placeholders.”
Allie: “I want you, Hudson.”
I ran my fingers through his hair and tugged.
Allie: “Inside me. Now.”
Hudson: “And I want you desperate.”
He gave me another series of gentle licks, and my back bowed as that sweet tension built within me again. God, it felt so good.
Hudson: “Writhing and needy and begging for me.”
I propped myself up on my elbows and watched his next strike.
Allie: “I don’t.”
I gasped as he dragged his tongue over my swollen clit.
Hudson: “Beg.”
His slow smile was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.
Hudson: “You will,”
he promised, sliding off the edge of the bed and stripping out of his remaining clothes.
He braced his weight on his forearms, leaned down, and brushed his lips over mine.
Hudson: “Are you desperate?”
Allie: “Yes.”
I drew my knees up, so consumed with wanting him that I didn’t care what he needed me to confess. I’d give him any truth he wanted.
Hudson: “Wild?”
He pushed in, consuming that first tight inch.
Allie: “Yes!”
Holy shit, he felt incredible.
Hudson: “Like you won’t survive the next heartbeat without me?”
Another brush of his lips.
Allie: “Yes.”
My hands slid to the back of his head and I swiveled my hips. He groaned low in his throat, dropping his forehead to mine.
Hudson: “Good. Because that’s exactly how I feel every minute of every day. I’m losing my fucking mind over you.”
Hudson: “I want you from behind, so I can watch this perfect ass bounce as you take my cock,”
he growled as his hips continued to swing, wringing soft, keening cries from my lips.
Hudson: “And against the wall. And on top of me, riding me hard. Once isn’t going to be enough. I want everything.”
Allie: “We’re really good at that,”
I said once my heart finally stopped slamming.
Hudson: “Yeah. We are.”
He ran the backs of his fingers down my cheek.
Hudson: “I’ve never felt anything like that in my life.”
Allie: “Me either.”
Allie: “Isaac, I wish you the best of luck with Eva. We both know she’ll slaughter that variation; you’ll have to take everything down a notch in difficulty for her to have a prayer of making it halfway through.”
Allie’s hand hovered over the screen.
Allie: “Oh, and as for Hudson, he’s built like a Greek god and fucks like one, too, so I’m all taken care of.”
She tapped the phone and the call ended.
Harlow: “Seriously, Allie’s exhibition isn’t anywhere in this.”
Harlow waved the program and turned to Eva.
Harlow: “Is she even healed?”
Eva: “Of course not,”
Eva snapped.
Harlow: “So why is she performing?”
She aimed the question at me, but I didn’t trust myself to speak to her.
Gavin: “Because you’ve entered the find-out portion of your relationship,”
Gavin answered.
Gavin: “You know, because you fucked around, and now—”
Harlow: “I know what that means,”
she snapped.
Lila: “I just wanted to say that I think you’re one of the best of our generation, and I hope we get the chance to work together.”
Eva: “Funny, I could have sworn you said she was pretentious and haughty,”
Eva said, straight faced, staring Lila down. Gavin stifled a snort, and Lila flushed crimson as we walked away.
Allie: “That wasn’t nice,”
I chided my sister.
Eva:“I know.”
Hudson: “You, Allie. You scared the shit out of me. Do you have any idea what you mean to me? You’re my air. And I know you don’t even want to think about going there when it comes to us, that you need things all neat and tidy, but I’m already there. Messy. Tangled. So wrapped up in you that I couldn’t breathe in that ER because I needed to be here with you.”
Hudson: “This is exactly what I pictured,”
he said, then swirled his tongue around me.
Hudson: “You trembling, gasping, flushed with need.”
Allie: “Hudson, please,”
I begged. He slid two fingers inside me and stroked.
Hudson: “But the sound of you moaning my name? That’s beyond anything I ever could have imagined, Allie. And now it lives in my dreams.”
Gavin: “Look, I was there. I saw what losing you did to him the first time, so I can’t blame him for grabbing hold with both hands and holding on. For fuck’s sake, just let him hold on, Allie. He’s strong enough for the both of you.”
Allie: “Oh, and Lina’s daughter dances. She’s beautiful and smart and tenacious . . . and talented. Eloise and I teach her, and it gives me so much hope for her future knowing you never will.”
No matter how much time passed, or even if she never forgave me holding on to my secrets, I would love Allie Rousseau until the day I died. Like she’d said, waves came in sets. She was happy here, and I had no choice but to match her energy. I was a dreamer who’d fallen in love with a dreamer, and it was time to stop dreaming and act.
Hudson: “Giving her the space she needs is the fucking sacrifice!”
I snapped.
Hudson: “She’s happy, Gavin. Maybe for the first time in her life. She’s back on top of her game. You think I don’t want to show up at her door? Barge into her life and throw myself at her mercy? You think it was easy to walk away from her on that street? That any of this is about to be easy? I will have to fight my selfish need for her every single day. I will be this close”
—I pinched my fingers, leaving an inch of space between them—
Hudson: “to having everything I’ve dreamed of, and yet so fucking far that I may as well just stay here.”
She sealed the box and pushed it over to Gavin.
Caroline: “Make yourself useful and label that. And no, writing porn is not a funny way to get back at him.”
Gavin: “You ruin all the fun.”
Gavin smirked and then absolutely wrote porn on the side of the box.
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