Pieces of a Life and Memories of a Life by Jewel E. Ann
- Alisha Eadle
- May 12
- 23 min read
Pieces of a Life
by Jewel E. Ann
Self-Published
Book 3 in the Life Series
The summer before fourth grade, Colten Mosley moved into the house across the street from mine, and we became inseparable.
He played the piano and baseball.
I had a penchant for dead things while at the same time imagining what it would be like to kiss Colten.
We were filled with curiosity and overly active imaginations.
We were also forbidden to be more than friends.
But that didn’t stop us.
Weeks before graduation, he annihilated my heart, and it’s been seventeen years since the day I knew I’d hate him forever.
Now he’s back in my life—a single dad and a homicide detective looking over my shoulder while I perform autopsies as one of Chicago’s most gifted forensic pathologists. Then fate throws us a curveball.
Colten saves my life, but he can’t erase the images that now keep me awake at night. And I can’t explain them.
Am I still the girl he’s always loved? Or nothing more than pieces of that life?
Memories of a Life
by Jewel E. Ann
Self-Published
Book 4 in the Life Series
The girl I met when we were nine is now the woman who said “yes” to being my wife.
But Josie’s not planning our wedding; she’s too consumed by things that happened over a century ago.
She has terrible dreams and unrelenting visions of the unspeakable. I believe her, but I don’t understand her.
If I can’t understand her, I can’t stop her.
If I can’t stop her, I can’t save us.
And without us … well, I can’t imagine that world.
Genre
Triggers
Memories/dreams of past life of a serial killer, depression, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts/actions, grief
Yes. I'm doing another duo review.
For the same series.
For the same reasons as before.
One, these books are thriller romances. It's hard enough to write my thoughts on both of these books, let alone one, without spoiling anything. So to make it easier, I'm writing about them both at the same time.
Two, and most importantly, these books are emotionally rough. In my opinion, even more so than the other Life books.
I read these books months ago, and I still get choked up thinking about them.
So to extend the effect these books have on me, I'm combining them both in one.
Once again, I'm starting this out making it out like you shouldn't read these books. If the triggers are not triggering, ABSOLUTELY you should read these books.
Jewel E. Ann is a beautiful writer.
I don't regret reading these books - despite the serious emotional hangover. And headache from all the crying.
Because there was LOTS of that.
My best friend, who doesn't cry as much as me when reading books .... well, let's just say she picked the wrong book to read during book club. Trying to quietly weep while reading these books in public had to be hard for her.
The overall story arc of these books is phenomenal. Jewel E. Ann has a special knack when it comes to writing stories that go back and forth between the past and present. It sets up SO MUCH, not just with the friendship and romance between Colt and Josie, but these two characters on their own. The dynamics of their families, and growing up.
It connects you with the story so much more.
With everything Jewel does with the Life series, the ... special aspects, let's say, that Jewel adds to these books that make them truly unique, the connections you build with these characters as you read makes the story pack that much more of a punch.
A punch in the heart and gut, but one I ask for when I read a Jewel E. Ann book.
As for romance, I honestly feel like this duo of books in the Life series is more romantic than the first. While the first books in the series were almost a love at first sight type of love, and you never question the deep love the characters have with one another, this duo of books feels more romantic because of how long these two characters have loved one another. The flashes to the past just make it feel like more. But while these books have more romance, I don't think it would turn off a reader who appreciates thrillers more.
If you love thriller romances, you will love these books. You will love the first two in the series too. But as someone who doesn't get triggered easily, I implore you to really understand what you are getting into before you jump in. Jewel E. Ann's magic is writing gripping emotional stories. You are in it with these characters. So while the triggers might spoil some aspects for you, I think its important to know what you are getting into.
Read them. It's worth the crying hangover.
Josie: “Take this to your dad and tell him you are safe. Then tell him I am just a star. If he takes a step back, he’ll see the whole galaxy.”
Josie: “Detective Rains has everything you need to know. And for the record, I was right about the weapon. And if you find it, and it has a red handle and a six-foot cord, I expect something like a fruit and chocolate bouquet with a note that says I’m the goddamn queen of forensic pathology.”
Standing, I sling my bag over my shoulder, give him a tight-lipped grin, and fish my keys out of the side pocket.
Colten: “I knew you were smart to a fault, Watts. But this…”
Colten stands and takes several steps toward the door before glancing over his shoulder
Colten: “…is a godlike arrogance I never saw coming from you. I imagine you’re a pain in the ass to work with. We should grab dinner sometime.”
Josie: “Can’t. I’m busy.”
I usher him out the door so I can close and lock it.
Colten: “I didn’t say when.”
Josie: “I know.”
I broke something alright. My pride, her sister Dignity, and Dignity’s cousin Self-Esteem.
Colten: “You remember what I used to do when you called me that?”
He presses the wet towels to my injured head.
He used to kiss me. I’d get mad. Call him an asshole. And he’d kiss me until I lost all my fight.
Josie: “You sure do like balls,”
she said as we rode our bikes to the batting cages. I laughed.
Colten: “That sounds bad.”
Josie: “Why?”
I made a quick glance behind me as her dark hair blew in the wind.
Colten: “Because it sounds like you’re talking about parts of a body.”
Josie: “You mean testicles? If I meant testicles, I would have said it. I know all the parts of the human body.”
Colten: “Yeah.”
I faced forward again to hide my grin.
Colten: “I know you do.”
Colten: “Thanks, Josie. Now, every time I come here, I’ll think about someone kidnaping me, cutting up my body, and burying me in the woods.”
I managed to snatch the bat away from her.
Josie: “Well, that’s what I always think about when I’m here with you,”
she said matter-of-factly.
Colten: “You think about me being kidnapped or you?”
She didn’t answer me, not until I was in the batting cage hitting my third ball. Her fingers curled around the chain links as she leaned against the cage to watch me.
Josie: “Both. I think we’ll be kidnapped and killed together. Or … what if our kidnapper makes us choose? What if only one of us can live? Would you choose me or yourself?”
Colten: “I don’t know.”
I swung and missed. Colten: “Who would you choose?”
Josie: “I asked you first.”
Colten: “I’m not answering unless you answer first,”
Josie: “Then let’s answer at the same time. I’ll count to three. Who would you save? One. Two. Three.”
We both said “me” at the same time. Then we shared an offended look at the same time.
Josie: “You’d let me die?”
Josie’s jaw dropped. I laughed and hit the next ball.
Colten: “You’d let me die.”
Josie: “Yeah, but …”
She had nothing.
Josie: “I’ll be your girlfriend.”
Colten: “What?”
She shrugged one shoulder.
Josie: “I said I’ll be your girlfriend. Your mom said you have a crush on me. And my dad said I should never like a boy who isn’t nice to me. You did the right thing. I won, and you gave me the stick. So I’ll be your girlfriend for the rest of the summer.”
I was too young to recognize it, but I started falling in love with Josephine Watts before I had any idea what that really meant. By the time my adult self figured it out, she was gone, and it was my fault.
Colten: “Why didn’t you do it this morning?”
I chew the bite of my sandwich and stare up at him, squinting against the sun.
Josie: “Because I was busy,”
I mumble with my mouth full.
Colten: “Don’t you prioritize?”
Josie: “That’s what your boss said when he wanted the results of this morning’s gunshot victim. Now, he has to sit on his thumbs and wait for ballistics. I suggest you go see if your thumbs will fit up your ass too because I’ll get to it when I get to it.”
Josie: “Why did you wink at me? After the game, Heather hugged you, and you winked at me. If you were my boyfriend, and you hugged me while winking at another girl, you’d be my ex-boyfriend.”
Colten turned a few degrees, his head twisted but not fully looking at me.
Colten: “I’ve been your boyfriend … a lot. And I’ve been your ex-boyfriend … a lot. And when I was your boyfriend, I never winked at another girl.”
Colten: “I just want you to know that no matter what girl lays claim to me, I’m still yours, Josie.”
Hoffler: “Because she thinks like a detective,”
the young male student just to my right says, his eyes alight with confidence. Cornwell and I have played this game. He’s prouder of the “correct” answer than I am.
Dr. Cornwell: “Partial credit, Hoffler. All forensic pathologists have to think like detectives. It’s the part that should come naturally in this field. Dr. Watts thinks like a killer—that’s what makes her so special.”
Josie: “My parents prefer ‘hunter,’ but thanks, Dr. Cornwell. I’m honored you think so highly of me.”
He shakes his head while finding the door to my office, stopping at the threshold with his back to me.
Colten: “She asked me if I loved her.”
I glance up at the door.
Colten: “I hesitated. Two seconds … maybe three. Then I started to answer, but it was too late. She said she would never marry a man who hesitated … but more than that … she wouldn’t marry me because she had to ask.”
Colten: “Watts … I’m not sure there will come a day that the idea of you with some other guy doesn’t make me a little jealous. It’s in my DNA.”
I don’t remember falling in love with Josephine Watts. I just remember the day we met and the day I let her go for good. For me, she wasn’t really my girlfriend. She was my everything. Every other girlfriend was just a game to get her back. Every fight was a prelude to treehouse kisses, “I’M SORRY” signs in the window, and shared cookies and milk.
I lived with my family, but I lived for Josephine Watts.
Josie: “Why don’t you like it when other guys kiss me and hold my hand?”
she mumbled, keeping her chin tucked.
Colten: “Because it’s what I like to do.”
She nipped at my lower lip and whispered,
Josie: “You don’t own me.”
I rested my hands on her ass.
Colten: “Not all of you.”
My lips found her neck, and I kissed my way to her bare shoulder.
Colten: “Just the best of you.”
Mom and I spend a good minute or two staring at each other. I’m fairly certain thirty-five-year-old men can’t be grounded, but she might prove that theory wrong.
I hear Josie’s car door shut and her car pull out of the driveway. Mom tilts her head a fraction like she’s listening to the same thing.
Mom: “Thought you two were going for a drive.”
I return an easy nod.
Colten: “That was the plan.”
Mom: “And … what happened? Your pants fell down on the way to the car? And … you were helping Josie pull up her pants because you’re a gentleman like that?”
Clicking my tongue twice, I wink at her.
Colten: “Exactly.”
She frowns. My humor’s not everyone’s taste.
Colten: “I never saw this coming. Her path and mine running side-by-side again. And when I see her …”
I return my attention to my mom. The gravity of my feelings seems to wipe the amusement from my face.
Colten: “When I see her, I feel like our story is still untold. Seventeen years feel like seventeen seconds.”
Tipping my chin up and easing my grip on my gun, I narrow my eyes at him.
Josie: “Go home.”
Colten: “So you can fuck this dude?”
Josie: “Yes.”
Garrett: “Um … I thought you were single. And you have a gun?”
Josie: “I am. And I do.”
Garrett: “Then who’s this guy?”
Josie: “Nobody,”
I murmur. My response draws a tiny grin from Colten.
Colten: “Do you have a gun on you?”
He eyes Garrett.
Garrett: “N-no …”
Colten: “Well, I do and so does Josie. So I’m thinking you should go home, have some warm milk, jerk off to your favorite porn site, and forget about her.”
Garrett takes a step back, closer to the door. Without looking behind me, I grab his shirt and make a tight fist.
Josie: “Stay, Garrett. Detective Mosley is out of his jurisdiction and out of his mind.”
Colten: “Garrett …”
Colten clicks his tongue a few times.
Colten: “You are a placeholder. A stand-in. A knockoff of the real thing. Go before you embarrass yourself anymore.”
Colten: “Are you the real thing? Does every other girl hold your place?”
I asked her. She drew in a slow breath and released it even slower. I couldn’t see her eyes, but I imagined them drifting shut.
Josie: “I hope so.”
Josie: “We can’t end.”
I didn’t know what that really meant for sure, but I nodded anyway.
Josie: “I never felt normal and accepted until I met you. So … we can’t end.”
Colten: “Best sex of my life,”
Josie: “I don’t doubt that, but it doesn’t change anything.”
There it is, that showstopping grin.
Colten: “It’s amazing you’re still single, Josie. With your winning personality and humble spirit, it’s really just … baffling.”
Josie: "He’ll want to see you first since he likes you better than me.”
Colten: “Because he sold me his car?”
Josie: “Because you have a penis.”
Colten: “Josie, I don’t think your dad has any use for my penis. I mean … I owe him a debt of gratitude for not cutting it off when we were teenagers, but I don’t think he thinks about my penis. But I hope you do. God …”
He bites his lip and closes his eyes while easing his head side to side.
Colten: “I really hope you think about it. I hope you miss it because it sure does miss you.”
When he opens his eyes, he frowns.
Colten: “And can we call it something less clinical than penis?”
Josie: “It’s a penis.”
Colten: “It’s your best friend.”
Josie: “This conversation is over.”
I’d never met anyone like her. Not another kid, not even an adult who looked at the world and life the way Josephine Watts did. Living in her world was like living in a movie.
A mystery.
An adventure.
Maybe even the beginning of a love story.
Josie wasn’t some girl in my life; she was my life. The sun. The air. Gravity. My whole world and reason for existing.
Colten: “Let me say it, Josie,”
Colten says from the other side of the door.
Colten: “Let me say it when I don’t have to walk away. Let me say it when it doesn’t have to be a consolation. A really shitty goodbye.”
If I open the door, my heart wins, and my pride and conscience will never fully recover.
Colten: “I was just too fucking stupid to figure it out. I was too angry at my dad. I was too persuaded by your dad. I was lost. I was weak. And you deserved more, Josie. So much more.”
I rest my palms and the side of my face on the door.
Colten: “And I remember thinking … what if some day we find each other again and everything is just right? The time. The place. Just everything. And here we are, Josie. It’s not fucking coincidence.”
There’s another pause, and I wonder if he’s given up. I hope so because I can’t take much more.
Colten: “You. I would have chosen you.”
I narrow my eyes, the side of my face still pressed to the door.
Colten: “When we went to the batting cages and talked about being kidnapped, and we discussed who we’d choose if only one of us could live … I would have chosen you to live because for so very long, you’ve been the only purpose to my life.”
Josie: “Jesus …”
I whisper, blinking back the tears. I wait. And wait. I wait until I hear nothing. I wait until my legs are tired of standing in one place. I wait until his confession no longer seems real. Then, I crack open the door, and he’s still there.
Colten: “I’m not going anywhere because I. Love. You. Josephine Watts.”
Colten: “I had a little trip to the ER last night.”
He shows me the bandaged area on his neck.
Colten: “Seven stitches. Missed my artery. I brought a gun to a knife fight, but I was outnumbered.”
I stare at his neck without saying anything.
Colten: “Don’t gasp like that, Josie. I’m good. I’ll be fine. Really, no need to overreact.”
He feigns when I don’t react. I smirk and lift my gaze to his.
Josie: “You weren’t on my table this morning, so I wasn’t worried. Maybe I should teach you how to use your gun properly.”
Colten: “Maybe I should put something in your mouth to shut you up.”
Again, I let my amusement free with a small grin.
Josie: “Small things are choking hazards.”
Colten: “Fuck you,”
he says on a laugh.
Josie: “I thought you would, but you tried to get yourself killed instead.”
Colten: "I got your number the old-fashioned way.”
Josie: “By asking me and writing it down on a napkin or the back of a junk mail envelope? Because I don’t recall that.”
Again, he gives me that chuckle, and it reaches through the phone and touches me in a way that makes me miss him despite having seen him earlier today.
Colten: “No, I pulled it from the internal database.”
Josie: “Did you get a warrant?”
Colten: “I did. It was Sunday afternoon, which I know how hard it is to get a warrant on a Sunday, but I did. It was at your house. I had to get on my knees to do it, and it required some very particular lip service. Eventually, I was granted a solid ‘yessss,’ which I interpreted as permission to gather information on you in any way I deem necessary.”
Josie: “For the record, Mosley, you had your chance to have all of me. I would have married you the day after graduation. But things have changed.”
Colten: “What’s changed?”
Her fingernails tap the side of her coffee mug.
Josie: “I discovered my true self-worth. I realized I don’t need you.”
Colten: “Still here you are, the morning after spending the night with me.”
She grins.
Josie: “I said I don’t need you. Doesn’t mean I don’t want you.”
Colten: “What if I’m an all-or-nothing? A packaged deal? What if I don’t want to be your boy toy?”
Josie: “You’ve been my boy toy since the day we met.”
She’s not wrong.
Colten: “One day I was your boyfriend. The next day I wasn’t. The second I got another girlfriend, you stalked me, tempted me, pissed off every other girlfriend I attempted to have. You said jump. I asked how high?”
Josie: “I never said jump.”
His hands slide along my bare legs, just under my nightie, thumbs teasing my inner thighs.
Colten: “It was a look you gave me. I think it was even the very first look you gave me. It said jump, and I was a goner. Did you not see the way I looked at you? Every fucking look asked ‘how high?’ It still does. I don’t think it’s physically possible for me to walk this earth without gravitating toward you.”
Colten: “There’s my fiancée,”
Colten says, loosening his tie as he rounds the corner to the living room.
Josie: “We’re not using those terms.”
I shoot him a quick look before closing my browser and my computer.
Colten: “No?”
He scratches his stubbly chin, cocking his head to the side.
Josie: “No.”
I reach for my glass of water on the coffee table, gulping it down until I emerge out of breath.
Colten: “Girlfriend?”
My nose wrinkles while I shake my head, returning the glass to the coffee table.
Josie: “Sounds a little immature.”
Colten: “Lover?”
Josie: “Not a word I’d want you using in public.”
Colten: “My woman?”
Josie: “Caveman.”
Colten: “Sex toy?”
I snort. Colten smirks.
Colten: “Bingo. Sex toy it is. I can’t wait to introduce my new sex toy to my friends. Do you, Colten Mosley, take Josephine Watts to be your sex toy for better or worse in sickness and in health until death do you part? Why yes … yes I do.”
I stand, grabbing his loosened tie and pulling him to me.
Josie: “Last chance to get it right.”
His face explodes into amusement while he feathers his knuckles along my cheeks.
Colten: “You’re my Artemis.”
Colten: “I knew you before your titties filled out a bra. And I know they didn’t fill out a bra because you showed them to me before you wore a bra. So I don’t think I can call you Dr. Watts and keep a straight face.”
Josie: “Do women still show you their tits for half a Twix? Or now that you’re all grown up, do you have to work a little harder for a sneak peek?”
Colten: “The question is … what on earth do your dating app pricks get for a six-course meal if you flashed me for half a Twix?”
Colten: “Do you think it’s possible…”
his head ducks, relieving the tension on his tie, coming inches from my lips
Colten: “…that the reason I’m single and so are you is because I’ve always been yours and you’ve always been mine?”
Colten: “You deserve to be chased. Pursued. I fell in love with the girl I knew I could never contain. Let me chase you forever because I love that moment when you look back at me and grin. That moment when I know you love knowing that I always have your back.”
Josie: “I’ve wanted one thing since I was a nine-year-old girl trying to win my dad’s heart, trying to make friends, trying to find my place in this world.”
Colten’s gaze lifts to mine.
Colten: “What?”
Swallowing past the lump of vulnerability in my throat, I ease my head side to side. How can he not know?
Josie: “You.”
My hand quickly bats away a tear.
Josie: “I’ve hated you so much for so long. Do you have any idea how hard it is to hate someone for that long?”
His Adam’s apple bobs as his gaze shifts again, unable to keep it locked to mine.
Josie: “It takes so much love, the kind of love that relentlessly aches, eating away at your soul.
Josie huffed, blowing the hair away from her eyes.
Josie: “They said I’m at the age where I’m more likely to get into trouble or be influenced by other kids. As if I’d do something stupid because someone else told me to do it.”
I had a mile-long list of stupid things I had done because someone else told me to do them, and by someone else … it was Josie.
Alicia: “There’s no way Cornwell will let you come back to work before you can lift heavy things. Last week, we had a four-hundred-pound man whom we nearly flipped onto the floor while trying to turn him.”
Josie: “I’ll lift with my legs.”
Alicia: “Pfft.”
Josie: “It was spontaneous. Which is really more romantic, right? And I wasn’t keen on the idea since I’ve never wanted to get married. But Colten has been the exception in my life for just about everything. Then, one day, he said some incredibly nice and heartfelt things to me, and I realized being married to him wouldn’t be the worst thing ever. So I agreed to marry him.”
Then he fingered me until I nearly fell off the kitchen stool. And they lived happily ever after. The end.
Josie: “These are the best tacos. Why haven’t we had these before?”
Alicia: “You see dead people and you’re marrying Detective Mosley. And you want to talk about the tacos?”
Josie: “They’re really good.”
Not all mothers are good ones, but I believe the ability to nurture without expecting anything in return is what makes women the sole reason humanity still exists.
Colten: “Do you have any idea how many times you kept me from drowning? How many times your hand reached for mine like a goddamn lifeline? When everything around me felt so heavy and impossibly ugly, there you were. When I pushed you away, you kept running back to me over and over again. Even when you knew you couldn’t solve my problems … You. Held. My. Hand. Something so simple as the delicate hand of a friend is what carried me through some really tough times. Did you know that? Did you know that you carried me with one fucking hand?”
I blink, letting my tears disappear into the water. I hug my fisted hands to my heart while my body shakes with silent sobs. This is different. He had a terrible father. I was a killer. I killed little girls.
Colten: “So that’s one … one life saved by Josephine Watts. I know you’re counting. You’re thinking about the lives taken by him. Don’t let him win. He’s not here, but you are. Make it right. Do good. Be kind. Love unconditionally. If this is true, if we get more than one life, then this is your chance to be everything he wasn’t.”
When I get home, there’s a note on my pillow.
All those girls I kissed when we were kids … I closed my eyes and thought of you.
When I go into the bedroom and toss my shirt onto my bed, there’s another note. Detective Mosley is a trespasser.
I loved it when you sat next to me while I played the piano … but I loved it more when you’d lie on my bed, making my pillow smell like you. Before I left this note, I rubbed myself all over your pillow. I hope you like it. I hope you like me.
Over the next two weeks, Colten dabbles in breaking and entering every time I leave my house. I’m not sure how he gets any work done. Chicago has way too much crime for him to leave daily notes on my pillow.
Remember that time you found a dead frog by your favorite tree? I found him near the pond by the batting cages, and I left him by your tree as a gift to you. I’ll never forget how excited you were. I’ll never forget how I felt like nobody knew you like I did. I’m still loving knowing that no other human will ever know you like I do.
Colten gave me a dead frog. It makes me laugh out loud. I remember that day, but he never said a word, never let on that it was him.
Another day …
The week I mowed your lawn while your family went on vacation, I spent hours under the tree in the front yard, lying in the grass in your favorite reading spot. I liked the world through your eyes. I still do.
Another day …
The last time Reagan stayed with me, I told her about Artemis. Then I told her you were my Artemis.
Another day …
The greatest day of my life, aside from the birth of Reagan: the day Jo Watts turned out to be the neighbor girl instead of the neighbor boy.
Josie: “I saw a psychic who knows a lot about near-death experiences.”
Colten: “You lost me at psychic. I’m already silently judging you.”
How did I survive seventeen years without him? When life hits an impasse, when the air gets too thick, when I can’t find my way, I navigate to him.
Josie: “Do you remember the first time you called me pretty?”
Colten presses his lips together for a few seconds.
Colten: “That’s a hard one because I thought it so many times. When did I get the nerve to say it?”
Josie: “The first time you saw me trying on fly fishing waders in the garage. You weren’t saying it as a compliment.”
His barely detectable smirk morphs into a full-on shit-eating grin.
Colten: “Yes, I was absolutely complimenting you. I hid most of my compliments behind sarcasm because it was the only way I could say them to you without you making fun of me.”
I roll my eyes.
Josie: “So your game was to make fun of me before I made fun of you?”
Colten: “My game was to give you the illusion that I was making fun of you, when in reality, I was a lovesick boy.”
I wet my lips because they are not glossed like Dylan’s—and because I want Colten to kiss me.
Colten: “I’m still that same lovesick boy,”
he whispers before answering my silent request with a soft kiss.
Josie: “If it were me, I’d be sad because my husband cheated on me. No … not sad. I’d be mad. I’d probably hurt him.”
I laughed as we locked our bikes to the rack by the pool entrance.
Colten: “What would you do?”
Josie: “Blunt trauma to his testicles.”
Colten: “What?”
I didn’t hear her right. Did I?
Josie: “My mom said I should never kick a boy in the testicles because it can cause serious damage. I looked it up. Pain. Swelling. Even a rupture with lots of blood in your scrotum.”
Colten: “My what?”
Josie: “Scrotum. It’s the part of you that looks like a turkey and holds your testicles, letting them hang low from your body to keep cool. If they get too warm, your sperm die.”
Colten: “Don’t call them testicles.”
I dropped my bag next to the fence.
Josie: “That’s what they’re called.”
Colten: “You sound like a doctor.”
Josie: “Maybe someday I’ll be a doctor, so it’s a good idea for me to keep calling them testicles instead of nuts or balls.”
I never thought she had a loud voice until we were in public talking about testicles. Then it felt like she was using a megaphone, and everyone could hear her.
First, I silence my phone in the morning before I shower. Second, I don’t have songs for ringtones. Third, I’m going to kill Colten. It’s his name on my screen with a goofy picture of his face, like a mug shot, that I did not take. And he has the ringtone set to The Dixie Cups’ “Chapel of Love.”
Josie: “Is she hot?”
I ask before he knocks on the door.
Colten: “What?”
He gives me a funny look. I shrug.
Josie: “You always went for the hottest girls in school. I’m just curious if you continued that trend.”
It takes him a second to speak or even blink.
Colten: “You’re right.”
He smirks.
Colten: “I went for you, Josie, and you were by far the hottest girl in school.”
I scoff.
Josie: “I was not. And you know what I’m talking about. We were never officially anything.”
Colten: “You’re right again.”
He squeezes my hand while his other hand knocks on the storm door.
Colten: “We were everything.”
Colten: “I love you because I’m incapable of not loving you. It’s involuntary. It’s a deeply woven thread in my fucking soul.”
Colten: “There. It’s fine. I’ll tell Toby to keep his mouth shut, or I’ll punch him in the face.”
Josie: “Don’t do that.”
I glanced up at Colten, patting my head to check my hair.
Colten: “I won’t. I’m just going to tell him that so he doesn’t tell everyone that …”
He wrinkled his nose, gaze inspecting my hair again.
Josie: “That I’m ugly?”
Colten: “No. You’re not ugly. I told you this morning that you look pretty … very pretty.”
I didn’t need or want a Prince Charming, but had I been in search of one, it would have been Colten Mosley.
Terrance: "You’ve already identified your negative thoughts. Now let’s work on replacing them with something that is true or realistic. What makes you feel good?”
Josie: “Sex with Colten.”
Terrance gives me a small nod but averts his gaze to his notebook.
Josie: “When these awful thoughts come into my head, I should replace them with thoughts about having sex with Colten?”
Terrance: “Sure.”
He clears his throat.
Terrance: “If it’s appropriate. If you’re with friends or family or at work, it might not be the appropriate redirect. Maybe think of your favorite food.”
Josie: “Colten’s cock.”
Terrance eyes me. I return a toothy grin.
Josie: “Kidding.”
Terrance: “Fuck you, Josie.”
I bark a laugh. This laugh alone is worth every penny of our session.
Colten: “So what did Dr. Birdie say?”
Josie: “Dr. Byrd. And he said I need to have more sex and think about it as often as possible. I realize you have a demanding job, so I might have to recruit some help.”
Colten: “I’m not laughing.”
Josie: “Me neither. I hate those dating apps, but if I just stick to random hookups and don’t fret over meeting for dinner first, it will be easier.”
Colten: “Still not laughing.”
Josie: “Really? That one was a little funny."
Colten: “I’ll stop saving you when you stop trying to die. But I’ll never stop loving you, needing you, so tough luck, Mr. Duck.”
Felix: “I asked when we’re doing this. I’d like to go to prison before my wife gets home, so that she thinks I just left her.”
Josie: “Hi, Josephine. If you’re watching this, then you’re alive. Give Felix a huge hug.”
Felix rolls his eyes while recording me.
Colten: “Baby, we’re all a little broken. I’ll take you chipped, cracked, or shattered into a million little pieces.”
Josie: “We’re all a little broken. I’ll take you chipped, cracked, or shattered into a million little pieces. You’re my Colten. And I’m your Artemis.”
Who we are is not what we’ve become. It’s a beautiful reflection of everything we’ve always been. I’ve always been his, and he’s always been mine.
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