Kill Switch by Penelope Douglas
- Alisha Eadle
- Apr 15
- 10 min read
Kill Switch
by Penelope Douglas
Published by Berkley
Book 3 in the Devil's Night Series
"I've done far worse than what I went to prison for. She has no idea how bad this can get."
WINTER
Sending him to prison was the worst thing I could've done. It didn't matter that he did the crime or that I wished he was dead. Perhaps I thought I'd have time to disappear before he got out or he'd cool off in jail and be anything but the horror
he was.
But I was wrong. Three years came and went too fast, and now he's anything but calm. Prison only gave him time to plan.
And while I anticipated his vengeance, I didn't expect this.
He doesn't want to make me hurt. He wants to make everything hurt.
DAMON
First thing's first. Get rid of her daddy. He told them I forced her. He told them his little girl was a victim, but I was a kid, too, and she wanted it just as much as I did.
Step two... Give her, her sister, and her mother nowhere to run and no fuel to escape. The Ashby women are alone now and desperate for a knight in shining armor.
But that's not what's coming.
No, it's time I listened to my father and took control of my future. It's time I showed them all--my family, her family, my friends--that I will never change and that I have no other ambition than to be the nightmare of their lives.
Starting with her.
She'll be so scared, she won't even be safe in her own head by the time I'm done with her. And the best part is I won't have to break into her home to do it.
As the new man of the house I have all the keys.
Genre
Triggers
This book deals with emotionally difficult topics, including rape (MC is victim), violence, death, self-harm, suicide attempt, abduction, dubious consent, murder, drug use, drug addiction, animal cruelty, abuse (emotional and physical), pedophilia (MC is victim), domestic abuse, bullying, and misogyny.
This is a very difficult read, as the main character is a victim, and his memories are dark. Please be advised.
When I tell you I didn't want to read this book, I mean it.
First, it was because I didn't think Damon could be redeemed. I didn't want to read an entire book about a character I hate.
Then, after I read Hideaway, it was because I was nervous about just how dark being in Damon's head would be.
But I was invested in this series, and I still wanted to know what that damn tiktok trend was referencing (which would be answered in book 4), so I jumped in.
Kill Switch was darker than I could have imagined. There were parts in the book that I mentally cringed at.
I know, right? Crazy.
Damon, the most damaged of the Devil's Night crew, is the most romantic.
Did he do terrible things?
Absolutely.
Was he redeemed?
Not really.
It's actually one of the things I liked about how Penelope Douglas wrote this book. While she gave us a solid background on why Damon is the way he is, and why he does the things he does, it's not swept under the rug.
Damon knows he has done bad things.
He owns it.
It's up to those around him if they are willing to forgive.
All those bad things he did, that wall he put up with everyone around him, was what made his character the most most romantic.
Winter showed him she was a safe space back when they were children. That small kindness she showed him, when he needed it the most, cemented itself in him. I understand his draw to her - even if I don't love what he did.
But the things they did with one another, the trust they shown one another when she didn't even know it was Damon she was with. It just tugged at something in my heart.
Minor spoiler if you haven't read it yet, but there is a chapter in the book where Winter tells him that one of the things she hates that she will never be able to do is drive due to her blindness. He sneaks her out of her house in the middle of the night, and teaches her to drive. That moment that he gave her something so precious, for no other reason than to make her smile, is something that lives rent free in my brain.
If any other character did it, I don't think it would have hit so hard.
But because his character was written with such a dark past, where he has been shown little to no love, and deplorable abuse, that fact that he could show Winter such love ...
and YES I KNOW HE IS FICTIONAL. BUT STILL. IT'S ROMANTIC!
I wouldn't recommend this series to just anyone. I definitely wouldn't recommend Kill Switch to many. There were parts of this book that made me feel physically sick. Before I read Kill Switch, with the heavy subject matter and the things Damon has done, I didn't think I could bring myself to like this book, or his character. But Penelope did good. She wrote a strong story, with a very layered, complicated character, and by the end, it's easily my favorite of the series.
Life felt like hell because we expected it to feel like heaven. The quote I read years ago went something like that, but I never understood it. When you’re in the thick all your life, living in ways you eventually figure out no one else is, you learn to sleep well in heat and eat fire. Until one day it’s all you need.
Damon: “You teach your daughter to hide in everyone else’s world,”
I shot back,
Damon: “and I’ll teach mine everyone else exists in hers. Go fuck yourself, and leave the kid alone.”
Winter: “Are you . . . are you going to hurt me?”
Damon: “I don’t know.”
He doesn’t know?
Winter: “Do you want to?”
I pressed.
Damon: “Kind of.”
His masked voice was like a breeze through the trees.
Winter: “Why?”
Damon: “Because I’m sick,”
What? No one was that self-aware. Especially psychopaths. He took my upper arms, and I stiffened as he pulled me up, both of us standing again. He moved in, his shirt brushing my arms.
Damon: “Because I can’t feel guilt, sadness, anger, or shame as strongly as I can feel fear anymore, and there’s no stronger fear than when I scare myself.”
Damon: “You asked me why you?”
he said, holding me to him, my back pressed into his chest.
Damon: “That’s why. You’re pure.”
Pure? What . . . ? Did he want to make me impure now or . . . ?
Damon: “Your parents are bad. Your sister lacks any depth to be interesting, and I hate my house. It’s so dark there.”
He paused, then continued.
Damon: “It all fucking disappeared when you were dancing, though. It made the world prettier. I liked it.”
Winter: “So, what? You wanna lock me in your basement to dance for you on command? Is that it?”
But instead of the creepy, monotone, and calm response I’d been getting, his chest shook with a quiet laugh.
Damon: “Can I hide there with you?”
Damon: “I can take you if you want,”
he said, pulling me into the foyer toward the front door.
Damon: “Or you can scream now and the fun has to end.”
Winter: “Who says I’m having any fun?”
Damon: “You’re about to.”
He stopped but kept hold of my fingers.
Damon: “Or, if you want, I can put you to bed and go have fun with someone else.”
I rolled my eyes. Please. Like I’d be jealous or something?
Damon: “You’re the one I want to play with, though,”
he whispered, leaning in.
Winter: “Can you show me red?”
I asked. I didn’t want the night to end. He paused for a moment and then whispered over his shoulder.
Damon: “Someday.”
Winter: “Are you still going to hurt me?”
I joked. But he paused again, his whisper barely audible.
Damon: “Someday,”
Damon: “Is it still full price if I just watch?”
I teased.
Damon: “And if we do, like, a punch card, can you blow me on the eighth visit?”
She crossed her arms, observing the party with me.
Alex: “It is an art how quickly you can make everyone want to kill you.”
I shrugged, hearing the smile in her voice.
Damon: “I just can’t help myself.”
I hated him. He was everything bad that happened to me. But he was the only time—other than dancing—that I felt alive, too. Being with him was like dancing. Dancing with death.
I almost snorted, but I couldn’t contain my smile.
Damon: “God, you’re like a female version of me. It’s turning me on.”
Rika: “Makes sense. You love yourself best.”
She pulled out a knife from somewhere and pressed the side of the blade into my neck. Jesus. She must be fun in bed. I grinned.
Damon: “You won’t hurt me.”
Rika: “And why not?”
Damon: “Because we’re friends.”
Rika: “You don’t know the meaning of the word! You don’t care about me!”
Damon: “I would kill for you,”
I shot back, getting in her face.
Michael: “I want to talk to you in private,”
I straightened my spine, meeting him eye to eye.
Damon: “Private?”
I teased.
Damon: “Like steam-room private? I’m game.”
Michael: “I trust her. I don’t trust you. What are you hanging over her head?”
Me? Oh, so that was it. The only way she’d give me the time of day was if I was blackmailing her?
Damon: “Believe it or not, she’s the one who has my neck in a noose. Quite the little dominant, your monster is. I’m kind of digging it. If you want to share.”
And then I shot my eyes to Kai.
Damon: “With everyone, I mean.”
Kai: “Jesus,”
Kai muttered.
Damon: “Don’t let me go,”
I told her, breathing hard.
Damon: “No matter what you hear or what they say, don’t let me go.”
Damon: “You made the world look different. You always had, and it struck me as odd, because I hated to watch my mother dance growing up. It was just some elaborate lie that I couldn’t stomach, but you . . .”
He trailed off, searching for words.
Damon: “It was pure, and it was a dream. I didn’t want to change you. I just wanted to be a part of it all. Of everything beautiful you were going to do.”
Rika: “I’m not running for mayor so I can protect your business interests, Damon. I don’t want to run that town.”
Damon: “Why wouldn’t you?”
She opened her mouth to retort but got lost for words for a moment. Finally, she blurted out,
Rika: “Why me?”
Damon: “Because Michael couldn’t care less, and the rest of us are felons.”
Will: “Hey, it’s America.”
Will leaned back, slumping in his chair with a lazy smile.
Will: “Anything is possible.”
Rika: “Michael and Kai are smarter than you, you know?”
I listened.
Rika: “Because if there’s one thing they know about revenge, Damon, it’s that it won’t feel nearly as good as her love will.”
Rika: “When and if she comes around, take her somewhere, just the two of you.”
What?
Rika: “It’s called a date, and it’s where you do something she likes that makes her happy. You and she will keep your clothes on for this.”
Oh, you’re funny. I shook my head, leaving her apartment and stepping into the elevator.
I pushed the button for the lobby.
Damon: “A fucking date,”
I mumbled.
He turns away and lets out a breath as he stares ahead.
Damon: “I might kiss you again when we’re older. Just so you know.”
Damon: “Are you fucking kidding me?”
I whined, holding my side and trying to get my feet under me.
Rika: “That’s how you thank three females who just saved your ass?”
Rika remarked, sounding all too amused. And then Alex tipped her chin at me, taunting,
Alex: “Who’s your daddy?”
Winter snorted, and I just fixed a snarl on my face as I stood up.
Damon: “Just get me out of here,”
I told them.
Damon: “And don’t tell anybody about this, for Christ’s sake.”
Damon: “You left me,”
I said, her chin tucked on my shoulder as she held me from behind.
Damon: “Everyone is always doing that.”
Winter: “I needed to think.”
Damon: “Think,”
I repeated, shaking my head.
Damon: “Fuck you, baby. It was perfect last night. There were no problems.”
I reached behind, ruffling her hair.
Damon: “You’re going to do it again,”
I said, dropping my hand.
Damon: “You should’ve just left me there. Why didn’t you?”
She was quiet, nudging her cheek into mine as she found her words.
Winter: “Because I was afraid of life without the hope of you to look forward to.”
Damon: “It’s fine.”
I relaxed into her, her arms still around me.
Damon: “I could die happily right here.”
Winter: “You’re not dying,”
Winter argued.
Winter: “You haven’t even told me you love me yet.”
Oh, that.
Damon: “Someday,”
I teased.
Michael: “Lie down or we’ll lie you down,”
Michael threatened.
Damon: “Aw, you care?”
Michael: “With you bedridden, you can’t cause trouble. It’s nice.”
Rika: “It’s our way,”
she answered, still focused on her task.
Damon: “Our way?”
What the hell did that mean? She zipped up her bag and fixed me with a hard stare.
Rika: “If you want this town, we are not leading by creating a massacre in the streets,”
she bit out.
Rika: “They won’t fear us because we’re armed. They’ll fear us because we never fail.”
And she grabbed the bag and stalked off, head held high and shit. I snorted.
Damon: “Madame Mayor . . .”
Rika: “Shut up,”
she fired back.
I’ll just slow you down.
I pulled away from Banks and headed around the island to where Winter sat. Leaning over the corner, I took her under her arms and lifted her off the seat slowly, bringing us nose to nose.
She tried to face away, but I followed her.
Damon: “I’m not in a rush,”
I whispered.
At a certain point, I started wondering—did I behave the way I did because I could? Or did I behave the way I did because it was the only thing keeping me alive in that house? Because eleven-year-olds shouldn’t be thinking about how to end their lives.
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