The Saint Deleted Scenes
by Tiffany Reisz
Available for free on her website
I absolutely loved The Saint, so color me ecstatic when I saw there were three deleted parts on the book available on Tiffany Reisz's website. No reviews for them. Just enjoy.
RATED: 18+ CATEGORY: MOOD:
Deleted Scenes Happy
Jordan - Takes place when Eleanor is sixteen years old
Wonder why that Haman guy hated the Jewish people so much? Maybe the reason Haman hated them was because one Jewish guy called him “Hymen” and he couldn’t get over it. Jordan would probably tell her not to make up dirty things about the Bible, which would force Eleanor to recite all the verses about seminal fluids and donkey genitals and poop. She had the one about poop memorized. Judges 3:22. Murder and poop. You couldn’t get any grosser than that.
After two hours of not getting anything accomplished, Eleanor marched to Søren’s office. Luckily he was working on his dissertation again which meant he wanted to be interrupted as much as possible. Last week she’d stood outside his office and they’d talked about why Jesuits had a reputation for being the liberal wing of the Catholic Church. Basically it boiled down to the fact that most Jesuits didn’t think homosexuality or birth control were inherently sinful. Some of them would even allow for abortion in some circumstances. She’d asked Søren what he thought were the appropriate circumstances under which someone could have an abortion. He said, “Never on an empty stomach” and she threw a cup at him. Luckily for her and him both the cup had been Styrofoam.
Now she wanted to have a serious talk with him. So she opened her remarks by standing in his doorway and announcing…
Eleanor: “I want to have a serious talk with you.”
Søren looked up from his reading and raised his hand.
Søren: “You don’t have any liquid-filled containers with you, do you?”
Eleanor: “Not today.”
Søren: ‘Then talk.”
Søren: “Eleanor, not wanting to talk to you is not a sign she’s angry at you. Sometimes people can’t talk to other people for reasons entirely unrelated to how they feel about them. I’m a priest. I can’t tell you what someone says in the Confessional even if that someone confessed to me he wanted to murder you.”
Eleanor: “Someone wants to murder me?”
Søren narrowed his eyes at her.
Søren: “That was merely a hypothetical example.”
Eleanor: “Your hypothetical example was about someone murdering me?”
Søren: “I can’t imagine why.”
Eleanor: "I can’t make anyone do anything.”
Søren: “That might have been the most outlandish thing you’ve ever said in your life, Young Lady. You were sitting in a police station facing prison time and you twisted my arm until I made an unholy bargain with you to get you out of that disaster.”
Eleanor: “It was a pickle.”
Eleanor: “No way. She’s a virgin. She’s not like that.”
Søren: “Like what?”
Eleanor: “You know, she’s not the sex-having type.”
Søren: “Everyone is the sex-having type. We’re human beings. People are driven by the three basic Ss of life—shelter, sustenance, and-”
Søren: “That word didn’t start with S, Little One.”
Eleanor: “Are you being nice or are you just trying to get out of working on your dissertation?”
Søren: “Why can’t it be both?”
Eleanor: “You’re being pathetic, you know that, right?”
Søren: “You would be too if you had to write a dissertation.”
Eleanor: “You’re pouting. No one likes a pouty priest.”
Søren: “I am not pouting.”
He rested his head against the doorframe and frowned at her. She burst into laughter.
Eleanor: “Do your homework.”
Søren: “Do I have to?”
Eleanor: “Do I have to do my homework?”
Søren: “Fine. I will do my homework. But I’m not going to like it.”
Eleanor: “You can talk to my priest about it. He won’t tell anyone either. You can trust him. I tell him everything.”
Jordan: “But he’s not my priest. I don’t even-”
Eleanor: “Doesn’t matter. He’ll help us, okay? He kept me from going to juvie. He can help you.”
Jordan: “No one can help me.”
Eleanor: “You only say that because you haven’t met him yet. Listen to me—I know him. I know him in a way…I can’t explain it. But he’s good, and he’s strong, and he’s on our side. And even better…”
Eleanor: “He is one scary fucker when he wants to be.”
Jordan: “No wonder you like your priest so much.”
Eleanor: “Like him? Jordan, I swear to God, I’d marry him.”
Eleanor: “Jordan didn’t deserve to be treated like that. She’s a virgin. She’s sweet. She’s nice. She’s too nice.”
Søren: “Eleanor, even if Jordan were sexually active and rude, she still wouldn’t have deserved that.”
Eleanor: “True. I just wish it had been me and not-”
Søren: “Eleanor, if had been you, Coach Cox wouldn’t have quit his job. He would have quit breathing.”
Eleanor: “Was that hard for you?” she finally asked. “Telling Coach Cox off?”
Søren: “Hard? No. Actually I rather enjoyed it. Possibly too much. Why do you ask?”
Eleanor: “I don’t know. I thought it might have been hard for you. Or at least maybe awkward. I mean, since you’re in love with me.”
Søren looked at her with genuine shock in his eyes. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever seen that look on his face before. She kind of liked it.
Søren: “Eleanor, there are suicide bombers on the Gaza Strip who are less dangerous than you are.”
Shaking his head he walked away from the Virgin Mary and headed to his office. She jogged behind him in an effort to keep up with his annoyingly long strides.
Eleanor: “That’s a yes, right?”
He stood in the doorway and faced her.
Søren: “I’ve long been fond of the Cistercian monks. The Trappist order observes the rule of silence, you know. I think I will go join them.”
And he shut the door in her face.
Eleanor: “I’m taking that as a ‘yes,’” she yelled at the door.
She smiled for the next two weeks.
Rope - Takes place when Eleanor is sixteen years old
Søren: “The Spiritual Exercises are ideally performed in a four-week silent retreat. As you are under community service and I don’t think we could get you to stop talking for one hour much less thirty days-“
Eleanor: “I can shut up if I have to.”
Søren: “Can you?”
Eleanor thought about that question.
Eleanor: “Okay, you’re right. No I can’t. Go on.”
Eleanor: “You play piano.”
Søren: “Whatever makes you think that?”
She laughed and turned her head, resting it on her arm as she looked at him.
Eleanor: “You’re good.”
Søren: “I am.”
Eleanor: “And so humble too.”
Søren: “Humility is simply knowing your strengths and weaknesses.”
Søren: "Did the music help with your meditations?”
Eleanor: “Sort of. The music helped me to be grateful for music. I don’t know if that counts.”
Søren: “It does count. Music is one of God’s greatest gifts to us.”
Eleanor: “It isn’t really spiritual like being grateful for Jesus or for forgiveness.”
Søren: “God created music. If you’re grateful for the gift, you’re grateful to the giver. Anything else?”
Eleanor: “Yeah, but it’s kind of stupid.”
Søren: “There is no such thing as a stupid mediation.”
Eleanor: “What if I was mediating on what the baby of a zebra and a cheetah would look like?”
Søren: “That would be odd, but not necessarily stupid.”
Eleanor: “Okay, I’ll tell you the truth. I am grateful. For you.”
Søren reached out and cupped the side of her face. With his thumb he brushed off a tear.
Søren: “Look at that. Someone has a conscience after all.”
She laughed and swiped at her face.
Eleanor: “Don’t make fun of me.”
Søren: “I will tease you any chance I get, Young Lady. And I fully expect you to do the same to me.”
Eleanor: “I can do that. First of all, you’re too tall. Second, you’re way too blond. Who has hair like that?”
Eleanor: “The dogs?”
Søren: “The people. My mother is Danish.”
Eleanor: “Your mother is a pastry?”
Søren: “She is very sweet.”
Eleanor: “That joke was horrible.”
Søren: “Then why are you laughing?”
Eleanor: “Just trying to boost your self-esteem, Blondie.”
Søren: “Did you just call me Blondie?”
Eleanor: “Yes, Call Me is by Blondie. Great song.”
Søren: “I really don’t know what to do with you, Eleanor.”
Eleanor: “I have suggestions.”
Søren: “You do?”
Eleanor: “They mostly involve rope.”
Eleanor: “Why is that good?”
Søren: “Because I have rope.”
Happy Birthday, Søren!
Tiffany Reisz has asked for this to not be added to any book review site, so I won't post any quotes, or even the direct link to it. If you would like to read it, click here, scroll down to the bottom of the page, and click on Happy Birthday, Søren!